Stop trying to paddle upstream!

Life is often like a river. For the most part you can control it, but there will always be that percentage of it that you have no control over.

Standing on the bank watching the river flow has always touched me very deeply, in a way that I cannot even begin to explain. It is really something that you just have to connect to yourself or you won’t know at all what I am talking about. This morning I was standing on the bank in front of the house, which is something that has become a morning routine for me. While standing there, I put all of my focus into the flow of the water and thought to myself, “A river never stops moving forward.” No matter how much control you have of it, it never stops flowing. I started to relate this theory to my life in this current moment as a means to answer the question that every single one of us asks ourselves on a regular basis, “Why is life so hard?” The answer is simple really, not everything is in our control. Just like with the river, we can build a dam and that dam allows us to control how high or how low the water rises or recedes.. but there will always remain that percentage of control that we do not have. We may be able to control the level of the river but we cannot control the lack of, or the abundance of rain and honestly – life wouldn’t be life without either. Sometimes in life we experience droughts and sometimes we experience floods; life requires one in order to appreciate and understand the other.

As many of you know, my life has been flooded with yet another tragedy. About a month ago I relocated to start a new life. I needed to be in an area that would allow me to connect with my own heart and succeed at life for me and my son. There are some people in this world who can only hinder ones’ happiness; misery loves company, And due to my decision to relocate my sons’ father has decided to take me to court for custody and in the meantime has been granted a temporary custody and restraining order; I am not allowed contact with my son until court.. two months away. My son has been in my life every day for the past five years as I have watched his father continuously come and go, so needless to say this is probably the hardest position for me to be in as a mother. I feel like I have lost ninety percent of who I am. For the last week I have struggled with finding the strength to once again pick up the pieces and keep moving. When you feel like everything is being torn apart, this is something that is very difficult to do. At this point I would much rather throw my hands up and retreat to a locked closet somewhere away from everything and everyone – however, I know that doing so will not help anything. Sometimes in life, when you lose that control, the only choice you have is to let the water flow in the direction that it is going to go.

I am a Pisces one hundred percent and anyone who knows what that means knows to some extent that it makes me a very in tune and emotional person. It also means that I connect with water on a level that most people cannot comprehend. Water grounds me, it flows into and around me. I can feel it without ever touching it. The water speaks to me and I to it. So this morning during my silent conversation with the great Tippecanoe, I remembered one of the most important lessons that I have learned in life thus far and this is something that every one of my close friends has heard me say a countless number of times, “Life isn’t going to stop for you, regardless of whether you close yourself off or remain open through the hard times, life is going to continue moving on with or without you.” This is something that I haven’t thought to myself in some time now. As I stood there with all of my focus on the progression of the river I realized, life is progression, which brings me to something else that I also say a lot “Without progression, life means nothing.” I can sit here and wait.. Wait for some kind of miracle that may never come. I can sit here and pray that my son will be returned to me by some force that is unknown. I can sit here and put my life on hold, letting go of all of my strength because life isn’t working out how I planned for it to. Every one of us can sit here, and do nothing. What good is going to come from that? Whatever is happening today in this very moment – is the plan, and it may not be the plan that you had for life, but it is the plan that life has for you.

We may never understand the reason behind why certain things happen, but we have to trust with all of our hearts that there is a bigger meaning to all of this heartache – otherwise, in the end, what do any of us have? Over the past several days the only thing I have been able to ask myself is, “Where do I go from here?” and while I have struggled with the answer to this questions many times before, if you came to me and asked me that question, today my answer would be, “Forward.” Whenever you find yourself lost, not knowing what to do, picture the flow of the river in your mind and remember – One of the most powerful and peaceful forces of nature, that is always existing in this place we call our home, never stops moving forward. Neither should you.


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