Let go of it


As many of us have experienced – change can be terrifying.  I have spent the majority of my life being terrified of change.  Over the past couple of years though I have learned to just roll with it.  Change is inevitable regardless of the presence of fear.  The sooner you learn to flow with the change, the easier life will become.  Plus, who wants to stay in the same place for the duration of their time here on earth?  Not me.  Definitely not me! And I can bet – not you either.


As many of you know, right around a year ago, I took a job at Carroll Manor – the county home on the outskirts of the town that I live in.  At the time I wasn’t even really looking for another job but I went with it.  Sometimes things just feel right.  I felt in my soul that I was supposed to be exactly where I was that day, accepting that job.  I felt in my soul that I was exactly where I was supposed to be when I left that same job – nearly two weeks ago.  This decision was a shock to a lot of people, hell it was a shock to me as well, but I really don’t know why.  It had been a long time coming.


When I first started my job there, I wanted to make a difference.  Halfway through the year as I struggled to juggle two different jobs (because I kept my job in home health care), I still believed that I could make a difference… somehow.  The things that I went through while on the floor and the stress that I endured didn’t even really come to light until after I left and immediately felt – relieved.  Most people feel very overwhelmed when they make a decision to leave a job within a second of time, and follow through, but not me. I was happy.


Not only was I required to do things that I wasn’t certified or licensed to do, but I had to deal with co-workers who were lazy, rude, and treated the residents like total crap.  I hated pretty much every minute of the last three months that I worked there.  I worked my rear end off, every minute that I was there, often going to work when ill.  I had several co-workers who would call off over headaches, colds, and simply not wanting to come to work (this was known by management) and then ridiculed for having to take two days off to have surgery!  I felt invisible and I felt very mistreated.  I went home pretty much every night mentally and physically exhausted.  The only thing that kept me dragging myself back in the next day were the residents that I cared for and I will miss them dearly.


For the first time in my life I was content about where life was heading, even though I had no idea where I would land, I felt good about it.  The same day that I notified the Manor that I wouldn’t be coming back, I contacted my home health care company and notified them that I was back with them full time – which is something they had been asking of me the entire year that I was at the Manor.  Pretty much the entire office staff was thrilled and instantly jumped on working out my schedule.  At the end of that week I was offered the on-call position.  I told them I would try it for a week and see what I thought.  Now I am on a two-month trial period to really get the feel of it before I accept or deny officially.


The on-call position isn’t easy, but it is rewarding.  It ups my pay by $3 which is a big deal to me and also gives me a $200 bonus for the weeks that I am on-call, regardless of how many hours I work.  I also get overtime pay which is great.  Basically, I am on-call for seven days straight and then work a regular schedule the following week (with the weekend off), then on-call again for seven days.  The first shift of the day can start as early as 6:30am and the latest shift can end as late at 11:00pm.  Needless to say, some days are completely booked and leave me wondering how people make a living calling off all the time – other days are relaxed and I may only get called into one or two shifts.  The hardest part of being the on-call is that most of the shifts that get called off on are harder clients.


I am thrilled to see where this job opportunity takes me.  Nothing is set in stone, but that is okay, because where it goes is up to me and that is a wonderful feeling to have.  I have never really felt in control of my life before, it is totally different than I ever imagined, but it… I feel free.  This situation has shown me what life can be life when you let go of fear.  So I am going to continue on this path and really work through pushing myself out of my comfort zone.  I can’t imagine the kind of life I am going to be able to create with this new perspective.  With this new skill that I have acquired during a situation that could have broken me down the way the it would have years ago.


I hope that whatever fears are holding you back that you are able to work past them and reach for the stars.  Don’t let anything hold you back from you dreams, from living your own life! 



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